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Downy Drain, Esq.

The name is Drain... Downy Drain, Esq., Attorney at Law.
I'm eccentric.
Too eccentric for the Big City law firm that carries my name on the door.
Too eccentric for the high-dollar clients I work for.
Too eccentric for the judges.
Too eccentric for my ex-wife, fannie.

fannie's the mother of Little Esquire, and before she died,
she arranged for the boy to be raised by her relatives.
I'm not allowed to see him.

I smoke cigars. I drink too much.
Sometimes my memory isn't what it used to be. (Mad Cow disease, you know.)

I have been accused of sexually harrassing clients and co-workers.
That's a lie. Only the female clients and co-workers.
I'm just thorough, that's all.

I like to get close to my clients.
Get to know them in their natural environment.

I was in the military. Served as a JAG officer. I've been a cop in LA.

Hell, I've even spent time in prison on a trumped-up charge of embezzling from clients. I only borrowed the money, made a few wise (read: lucky) investments. Fortunately, Bill Clinton arranged a Presidential pardon. Mainly because I was smoking cigars with Monica, too. And, I used some of my money to support various Democratic candidates.

Now I live in the style I deserve.

Have we met?
The name's Drain... Downy Drain, Esq.
I'm a legal fucking genius.