Just the facts Ma'am.

Hi there, the names Martin. Adam Martin. Well ok technically it's Adam Michael Martin. There now you know it. My full name do you feel better about yourself for knowing it? You do ? Good. I'm glad to hear it. Ok so what's the skinny on me? Where do I start?

I'm the big brother in the family. Yup yup eldest one and only boy. So you can imagine the hell I lived through. Adam pick me up some tampons. Adam, I need midol. Adam did you eat all the fucking chocolate again? Yup, only man in a female household and god forbid they alllllll get on that cycle at the same time. There's no saving the lonely male then. It's amazing I've lived this long. Not just because of that but well , I'm special. My sisters tell me so all the time.

I'll tell you more about them in a minute. Now about me. Let's see you know my name , I'm 33 years old . I've got plenty of nicknames. My sister, my favorite sister, tends to call me Fucktard. But NO ONE else is allowed to call me that. Nope. It's one of those family things. We're kinda messed up really. My whole family is special but special in a good way.

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These are my sisters. Yes they're twins but they'll never admit it. Most of you probably know Serena. Yup she used to be deputy Mayor of the City. She also sings, works at a pub and a club and well she's always busy. Good thing she's got a lot of jolt on hand to keep her energy up. Between her jobs and her boytoy she needs it.

The blonde, that's her twin sister Tabicat. Yup yup I call her tabicat. She hates it. [grinzzzz] Tabi's older by 7 minutes but bitchier by 7 lifetimes. She's the blonde other blondes hate to be compare to. (ANNNDDDD why Serena dyed her hair. Shhhh that's our secret.)

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This here, this is my Momma. I'm so proud of her. We all are. If not for her none of us would know how to cook. Do you know her? Yeah she does carry American Express but our Momma. We're all so proud. Has her own cookin shows on Food Network and she's written a few best selling cookbooks. Maybe you've read or own "Everything's better with butter." Yeah thats our Momma. Sammie D. I know I know, you're probably asking. Sammie D? But I thought you were a Martin. Well yup, yup we are. Momma uses her first name and middle initial for professional reasons. See Momma's name is Samantha Dean Stevens-Martin. It was just to much. She was named Dean after her great great grampy. Stevens was her maiden name an Martin her married one. So it's a mouthfull that she just shortened to Sammie D.