I am pleased to have the opportunity to speak with you tonight. As I think most of you know, Mastery is my passion, as well as my life, and I welcome the chance to focus on it this weekend.

I believe the Masters' Retreat offers us a very special opportunity -- an opportunity to stop and think. In the rush of our leather life, with our events and clubs and SM activity, we seldom have the time to stop and think about why we are doing what we do -- why we are following the path of Mastery.

Many of you may recall the poem "The Road Not Taken," by Robert Frost. In that poem, Frost speaks of a person coming to a place where he must choose between two paths, and of choosing to take "the road less traveled." I think the path of Mastery is just that -- a road few really travel. And before any of us embark on a journey down such a path, or before we tread a single step further on it, I believe we would do well to ask ourselves some questions -- questions like:

Why am I here at the Master's Retreat?

Why do I believe I have what it takes to be a Master?

Why do I deserve to have a man or woman place their life in my hands?

Tonight, we don't have to be polite or careful that our answers are politically correct. But we must be certain that our answers are brutally honest. And that is how I intend to be in this speech, as well.

So let me start with this brutally honest statement: Mastery has become "trendy" in our leather/BDSM community. Go to any leather event these days you're sure to see at least a couple of seminars on the program about Master/slave relationships. Some events, like South Plains Leatherfest that I, Mark Frazier and slave marsha own and produce, offer a whole "Master/slave Track." We have groups such as Master and slaves Together that are devoted to Master/slave relationships. We have weekends like the Master's Retreat, or the one I and slave marsha most recently presented at Thunder in the Mountains called "The Journey."

Make no mistake -- there is good that comes out of these educational efforts. But I sometimes wonder if we don't also do a great disservice to those who attend by intentionally or unintentionally spreading the message that anyone can become a Master if only they will attend a few educational events. "You too can become a Master in 5 easy lessons," we seem to say.

I will be the first to acknowledge that I bear some of the responsibility for this state of affairs. After the MAsT 1999 event, which was held in Atlanta, I had a dream of creating a similar event where those who shared an interest in M/s could come together. With the production of South Plains Leatherfest 2003 and future South Plains, that dream has become reality. I, along with my slave, speak regularly across the country on Master/slave relationships, and I, along with Dean Walradt, was one of the originators of the Masters' Retreat. Couple all of these events with what Master Steve Sampson does with Butchmann's and what Master Taino does with his training weekends, along with many others, a person has many opportunities to learn about being a Master -- maybe too many.

While I support these efforts to teach others about Mastery and slavery, we must be honest about what they can accomplish. The hard truth, the one truth that's hard to talk about and even harder to face, is this: not everyone can -- or should -- be a Master. And I fear that as individuals and as a leather/BDSM community, we are afraid to admit that truth.

As a community, we are afraid to say that anything might not be just fine for everyone. We historically have been so excluded and vilified by the greater vanilla world that we have become unwilling to judge ourselves -- "My kink is okay, your kink is okay" is the watchword of our community.

But Mastering another human being is not like flogging someone. After all, with a flogging, as long as you don't hit one of the off-limits spots that everyone learns about early in their flogging career, you're not likely to hurt anyone too permanently. But being the Master of another human being is totally different. It can give you the power to build, or the power to destroy, another human being -- mentally, emotionally and physically. The simple truth is, not everyone should be given access to that power.

So, if it is true that not everyone should follow the path of Mastery, who gets to choose who should be in "the Master's Club" and who shouldn't?

While I might like to say that it is me, that I have the key to admission to an exclusive club -- I can't. I do not have that key or that complete understanding. No single one of us does.

So if it isn't me, or any single one of us, perhaps it is the community that is qualified to decide who can join the Master's Club? No. It certainly isn't the community. The community has proven itself all too willing to accept all comers to Mastery.

In the end, the only person who really can decide whether you have the characteristics -- and the character -- to be a Master... is you.

And that is the really opportunity you have been given this weekend. You've been given the opportunity to ask yourself some hard questions, and at least begin the process of searching for the answers.

So why do you want to be a Master? What brought you to this place this weekend? Is it only for the sex? Is it for the ego trip? Is it because you never want to do another load of laundry or cook another meal or clean another toilet again?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, there are plenty of flogging seminars you might want to attend at the next leather event. If there is one thing I know for certain, it is that being a Master does not mean endless sex, constant ego enhancement, and never lifting a finger again.

Are you a Master? Could you become one? How can you know? Looking into the mirror won't give you the answer. Masters come in all shapes and sizes. They come in all colors and genders. You can find them in every sexual orientation.

To discover whether the path of Mastery, the road less traveled, is for you, you must look inside yourself. You and I can talk all weekend here at the Masters' Retreat about protocol and leather families, about contracts and the hot boys we've known, and you won't be one step closer to knowing whether or not you have what it takes to be a Master. Nor will being an expert in one or many SM techniques bring you any closer to that knowledge. Mastery is a life-long journey of the mind, the heart, and the spirit. To find the answer for yourself, to learn if you could be a Master, you must have the courage to look into the darkest and the brightest corners of your heart and soul. You must be willing to discover the best -- and the worst -- about yourself. It isn't easy, but I believe it is the only way.

Neither I nor anyone else can offer you a detailed map for this internal journey. However, there are some guideposts, some things you can look for as you examine that unexplored territory inside yourself. Despite their many differences, those men and women who are or who can be Masters do, I believe, share certain characteristics.

The characteristics I'll mention tonight are not an exhaustive list by any means -- I'm sure you'd have many additions, but let me offer just a few t6hat may help you as you begin to ask yourself the question of why you are here and perhaps as you embark on your own internal exploration of whether or not you can or should be a Master.

The first guidepost I'll mention is stability. You've heard it said, over and over -- "If you can't master yourself, how can you master someone else?" It's true. If your mental stability is precarious, if your life is out of control, how will you maintain the mental and emotional stability of a boy or slave? If your finances are a disaster and you are drowning in debt, no boy or slave will believe you can successfully control and manage their finances.

Remember -- boys and slaves are not placed on this earth to rescue so-called Masters from their instability. Examine your life -- have you mastered it?

The next guidepost I suggest you look for is maturity. By maturity, I do not mean a particular age -- I mean an attitude that recognizes actions have consequences for which you must take responsibility. Some people achieve maturity early in their life -- some never achieve it at all. Nevertheless, if you are to be a Master, you must be mature. If you display maturity, you give a boy or slave reason to believe you can be relied on. Maturity helps to build trust. Without trust, a Master/slave or Daddy/boy relationship is doomed to fail.

A third guidepost you should look for in yourself or others who would be Masters is the desire to live an "examined life." I've touched on this already, this idea that the only way to find the answer to the question of "Am I a Master?" is to look inside. But for those who do decide to claim the identity of a Master, simply looking inside is not enough. The examination cannot stop there. That difficult internal work must continue.

We know that when a boy or slave disobeys, the Master is responsible for correcting the boy's or slave's behavior. But who corrects the Master when he or she fails? The Master does -- through deep and sometimes painful self examination. Only by continuing to examine our lives, rigorously and consistently, can we as Masters begin to find our way and correct ourselves when we stray from our path. And make no mistake, we will stray. We will make mistakes. Yet through an examined life we can continue our journey and learn from the errors we have made.

A final guidepost to Mastery to look for in yourself is the desire to control another person. Simply put, control is the heart of Mastery, the thing that sets apart those who call themselves Masters from everyone else.

What do we mean when we say a Master has a fundamental desire to control another person? Too often, people exploring Mastery seem to equate control with being "bossy" or acting like an obnoxious bastard or bitch, as the gender may be. These are the "Masters" who demand service and attention from everyone. They tell story after story about the outrageous orders they gave their boy or slave to prove their "control."

We could talk for hours about control and its place in the heart and spirit of a Master. For now, let's leave it at this: if the only reason you want to control another person is so that you can make them do "stupid slave tricks," I hope you'll sign up for that flogging class I mentioned at the next leather event.

As you explore the unexplored territory of your heart and soul, trying to discovery whether the path of Mastery is right for you, look for the guideposts of stability, maturity, the willingness to live an examined life and the need to control. I challenge all of you to use the time remaining at the Masters' Retreat to ask yourself the hard questions of why am I here and should I be here. I challenge all of us to stop taking the "easy road" -- the politically correct road -- of saying anyone who wants can walk the path of Mastery.

And now, we come to the most difficult moment of all, the ultimate fork in the path of our journey. What if you do examine yourself, with honesty and rigor, and discover... you don't think you should be on the path of Mastery. Maybe it is simply not the right time for you. Maybe you realize this never will be the right path.

Maybe some of you will come to this conclusion this weekend. To that I say: congratulations. You may have accomplished more with this weekend than any of us. It is never wrong to discover the truth about yourself. There is nothing -- nothing -- wrong with deciding that your identity is as something other than a Master. I want to be crystal clear about what I am about to say. Masters are not better than Tops, Dominants or Daddies. Being a Master is NOT the pinnacle of achievement in the leather/SM world. Masters are just different, men and women who are called to walk a different path and lead a different life... to march to the beat of a different drummer.

And so, let me conclude my time with you this evening with a few final thoughts.

I am not here to judge any of you as worthy or unworthy of being called a Master. What I do feel called to say to you is this: each of you must judge yourselves. No class, no seminar, no Masters' Retreat will make you into a Master. At their best, these experiences can focus you on the tough questions to help you find your own answers.

Having said that, and having earlier said that neither I nor the community holds the key to the Master's Club, I also adamantly will say that we can -- and must -- judge the actions of those who call themselves Masters. For there are times when a person's behavior demands a reaction, there are times when we cannot keep silent, there are times as individual Masters and as a community we must act to counsel, to confront and even at times, to intervene.

As Masters, we have been entrusted with power -- and responsibility -- that, quite frankly, the rest of our leather/BDSM community barely comprehends. To be called "Master" is a tremendous honor, and it is up to us to guard that honor, both in ourselves and in others. Hear what I am saying -- I am not advocating a "Master's Gestapo" to haul away any Master who fails to toe the party line. What I am saying is that if we want the slaves and boys of our world to trust in us, to believe that we are worthy of the unfathomable trust they place in us, we must prove we can keep our own house in order, both individually and collectively. That is part of the responsibility that comes with the honor of being called "Master."

Thom Magister, an author and one of our leather forebearers, understood this clearly. In his story, "One Among Many: The Seduction and Training of a Leatherman," Magister tells of a young Master who is being trained by a number of older, more experienced Masters -- and an older, more experienced slave. Through that training, the young Master learns a fundamental truth about what it means to be a Master:

"If another man places his life in your hands, then you are responsible for that man's life. And if he offers you his life and his mind and his heart -- then you are responsible for everything, forever. Forever, my young, would-be Master, is a hell of a long time."

I agree that forever is indeed, a very long time. We would do well to remember that, we who would call ourselves "Master."

Becoming a Master is a life long journey. I began my journey as a Master over 6 years ago, and that journey continues today. It will never end. There are days when I wonder why the hell I am trying to do this. There are nights when I face the demons who whisper in my ears all of my doubts and fears.

But then there are days when I am amazed that this much joy and contentment has come into my life. I constantly judge myself and my desire to be a Master. That is the hard work of living this way. That is the necessary work of being a Master.

Is it worth it? Unequivocally and absolutely, yes.

The road to Mastery is truly the road less traveled. It is a road that at times will be rough and rocky. But it also is a road that, for those with the courage and strength to do the hard work of living this way, leads to magnificent undiscovered countries.

And so, in closing, I return to the words of the poet, Robert Frost, who unknowingly summed up with great and perfect simplicity what it is like to follow the path of Mastery:

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

Thank you.

Home of the CoffeeCup HTML Editor