LLC9Keynote

But I was in the right place, and like the rest of you, I've spent the weekend thinking about what it means to be a leader in today's leather community. As some of you know, one of the ways I serve my owner, Master Jim Glass, is through my profession -- I'm an attorney. So, as I began to think about what I might say to you during the time I have been given today, I realized that giving a closing keynote address really is similar to giving a closing argument in trial. My goal for these closing remarks is similar to giving a closing argument in a trial: I need to build a case for your consideration.

A trial lawyer brings together the threads of witness testimony and exhibits and the law into a "whole cloth" that supports his or her case, one the jury can take into its deliberations. As the closing keynote speaker for this conference, I also need to bring together some of the various thread of ideas and theories and discussions that we've explored during the weekend to create a case for you to take with you as you return to your various home communities.

Now different trial lawyers have different styles -- some are loud and brash and very confrontational, some are down home and folksy, some are highly logical and meticulous in laying out their case. Like trial lawyers, keynote speakers have different styles, too, ranging from confrontational to inspirational. Over the past few years, it's been my observation that keynote speakers in the leather community have taken tremendous pride in making their speeches as "controversial" as possible. In fact, it almost seems to have become a competition to see who can outrage the most people with a keynote address. I've heard keynote speakers promise that their speeches would leave the audience angry, agitated or even nauseated -- although in reality, most of the time, the speeches didn't make good on the speaker's threats.

I thought about following the lead of these keynote speakers by taking the "shock and awe" approach in this speech, too. I could, you know. But in the end, I decided to do something different. This afternoon, I'm simply going to share with you some thoughts from my heart, without any intent to try to agitate or nauseate you. But having said that, I'll also hasten to say that I've spent enough time in the leather community to know that what is a non-controversial, well-intentioned discussion to one person may be highly inflammatory and controversial to another. In any event, I'll take the risk and speak my heart and let you be the judge.

Today, I'm going to pick and choose a thread or two from the many discussions and other keynote addresses we've heard this weekend, and bring them together as we wind down our time at this conference. You'll likely hear echoes of things others have said -- and that's good. I hope you do. This will serve as my "closing argument" to you -- and perhaps most of all, to myself.

The question you have before you today is simple. This conference is at an end, and now we are faced with deciding -- what next? Now that the speakers are done and the networking is nearly concluded, now that we are saying good bye to our friends and colleagues, where do we go from here?

When you leave here today to return to your communities and to share what you've learned, you'll have many decisions to make: decisions about your organizations, your events, your educational programs. But let me suggest to you, ladies and gentlemen of this conference, that none of those decisions will be as important as the decisions you make about what you mean by the words "leather nation" and how you define yourself as a citizen of it.

One of the key themes of this conference has been the idea of moving from "tribe" to "nation." Over and over again, in different ways, we have been urged this weekend to begin viewing ourselves as a part of something larger than our immediate group or tribe. It's a lofty and worthwhile goal. But I would suggest to you that before we can lead that move from tribe to nation, we must do two things. First, we must identify the individual tribes that will make up that new nation: in other words, we need to understand who will be the citizens of our nation. And perhaps more importantly, if we are to be the leaders of that new leather nation, we must discover and define who we are individually as citizens of that nation. If we don't achieve those two goals, we can't hope to make the transition from individual groups to a greater whole.

Nearly all of the seminars and discussions that took place as a part of this Leather Leadership Conference touched on one or both of these two issues in some way. So it seems fitting to me to revisit these threads one more time as we close out the weekend.

Let's start with one issue that's been at the heart of much of the conference: what is our leather nation? To answer that question, we first need to accept a basic truth: by defining ourselves as a "leather nation," we make the decision to exclude. By definition, a nation places boundaries around those who are "in" -- called citizens -- and those who are "out" -- called "non-citizens." The same is true for a tribe -- a tribe defines its world in terms of those who are members of the tribe and those who are not.

But as you've no doubt discovered this weekend, the act of defining our leather nation won't be easy. As the LLC website puts it with classic understatement, "Our community tends to be a collection of rugged individualists and small tribes." How true -- and how difficult it makes our attempt to identify who is or is not a citizen of our nation, or even of our individual tribe.

Perhaps this means we can only articulate a very basic statement about who isn't a citizen of our leather nation: because we're such a diverse collection of tribes, the core thing that holds us together is the fact that while we're all very different from each other, we're often VERY different from everyone else.

But the very fact that we have so many diverse tribes that could be a part of our fledgling nation means there is an almost limitless number of issues on which our various citizen-tribes will disagree -- often passionately. And of course, the first area of disagreement is likely to be whether a particular tribe is a part of the nation at all.

Make no mistake about it, the discussions we'll have about who is a member of this leather nation aren't going to be comfortable ones. For many of us, the leather community is the first place we've ever felt at home, and the idea that our new nation might exclude someone-- that it could even exclude us -- is almost unbearable. Nor can many of us conceive of a tribe voluntarily excluding itself from our leather nation.

But as we all know, part of being a leader is dealing with the touch issues, so let me give you a more concrete example of the kind of uncomfortable discussion I'm talking about. I could have chosen any number of our tribes for this example, but for purposes of our time together, let's use the question "why aren't many of our pansexual events and groups really pansexual" -- in other words, why don't gay men and lesbians show up?

It's an incredibly difficult and emotional issue. I've heard many reasons, all stated with passion, as to why we should all gather together in pansexual space. I've heard fewer real suggestions on how to actually make it happen. Mostly leather leaders simply wring their hands and bemoan the situation or berate those involved, while occasionally crying, "Why can't we all just get along?"

All right, in the interest of honesty, I shouldn't go any further with this point until I make a disclaimer or two. For those of you who don't know, I identify as a lesbian -- a leatherdyke, to be specific. And yes, I serve a gay leatherman. And, perhaps most importantly, I'm one of the owners of South Plains Leatherfest. As owners of South Plains, we purposefully and systematically work to make it a space that is home for gay leathermen and leatherdykes. So, without a doubt, you're about to hear an opinion from someone with a particular agenda and point of view. But isn't that always the case in a closing argument?

It will be very uncomfortable for us as the leaders of a new leather nation to take a hard, honest look at why certain tribes like gay men and lesbians may choose not to join our pansexual leather nation. Because one possible answer -- one that we may not want to hear -- is that certain tribes simply don't see any reason to be a part of a greater "leather nation -- or at least not very often. So, to relate this to our example, I believe the reason why so many of our pansexual events are, in fact, primarily heterosexual is because gay leathermen and leatherdykes have needs and desires and preferences which are not being recognized or met by many pansexual events and groups.

This state of our nation probably has come about for a multitude of reasons, but let me suggest a few of them to you. For example, owners of pansexual events -- and this includes me -- have we looked at our event programs and really listened to our presenters? If gay leathermen and leather dykes are not attending our events, maybe they don't feel welcome because they don't see photos of people like themselves in the event program. Or, maybe when they attend the seminars, the language used by the presenters excludes them by assuming only male/female pairings. How can these tribes feel included and welcome if the demos they see feature only male/female SM? What if the dungeon space and rules do not allow the kinds of play popular within their tribes?

As long as we as leather leaders refuse to acknowledge that issues like these are very real, there may be no real reason, for example, for gay leathermen and leatherdykes to join our nation, at least at pansexual events. Instead, these tribes may choose to exclude themselves from our nation -- and that is their right. There is no law that says any of our tribes must join our leather nation, no matter how many leather leaders want them to.

As I said, this is just one example of a difficult and painful truth -- that not every tribe may feel the need to join our leather nation for all times and all purposes. But I would also argue that we shouldn't be discouraged by this. Instead, I believe we should celebrate the diversity in our new leather nation, and simply recognize that this tremendous diversity means different tribes will still need time and space apart from the larger nation in order to meet all of their needs. That doesn't, in itself, weaken our leather nation. Quite the contrary -- if we recognize and celebrate and support the needs of our tribes, it's my belief that we can come together as a nation in those times and places we need to. And yes, that may even be at leather events and groups that have taken the time and put forth the effort to understand and meet the needs of many tribes.

So, to return to the larger issue, if we are to leave this place and begin the work of moving from tribe to nation, we must recognize the individual tribes that we nope will make up our nation and their needs. We must accept that some of our many tribes may not choose to be citizens of this nation for all times and reasons. We must accept that various tribes in our nation will need and want time and space apart, and we should support those needs and allow those spaces to exist. At the same time, if we're to be a leather nation, we must remain mindful that we need to work to make this nation one where many different leather tribes and their citizens can find a home, if they choose to do so. It's a difficult but important issue for each of you to take with you to y our deliberations as leaders in your own home communities.

That's one thread of ideas I've pulled from the many that made up this weekend. But you'll recall that at the beginning of my closing argument, I also laid out another, equally important issue, and that's the need for each one of us to discover who we are and to determine how we fit into our leather nation as citizens and as leaders. So let's turn to that question now.

First, let's address the issue of "leather leadership" and ourselves as "leather leaders." Let me be blunt -- you aren't a "leather leader" just because you attended this conference, and you aren't a "leather leader" just because you say you are. We're a small nation, really, and it's amazing how quickly someone can pick up the title of "leader." Start an email list, win a title -- any title, put on an event, or just announce that you are a leader and suddenly, you're a leader

So what does? What things should we be looking for in our candidates for leadership? Master Skip spoke about this in his opening keynote, but let me add a few more thoughts. First of all, a leather leader is someone who has some "time in the water" -- or better yet, what I call "time in the leather." A good friend of mine who scuba divers once explained "time in the water" to me like this: you may have been diving for 10 years, but if you've only gone diving once a year for those 10 years, you don't have much "time in the water." Conversely, if you've only been diving for a year, but you've gone diving nearly every weekend, then you've got a lot of "time in the leather."

"Time in the leather" is no different. Someone may have bee interested in SM for 10 years, maybe he or she has even played privately for all of that time. But if the person only recently has ventured into the larger leather nation, he or she doesn't have much "time in the leather." The person may know how to flog or paddle or safely tie someone up, but I would argue they just don't have the time in the leather to be a "leather leader" -- at least not yet.

A leather leader also has accurate knowledge of leather history. Please note my emphasis on accurate. If someone claims there are secret European houses of domination training Masters and slaves just like in "The Story of O" -- I'm going to have a few cross-examination questions for that person before I'll acknowledge them as a leader. If someone believes there is one and only one correct protocol created by a group of ancient leathermen -- I'm going to need some verifiable names, dates and places. And if someone proclaims that the phrase "safe, sane and consensual" was a creation of the Old Guard -- I'm just sending them to David Stein, because I'm really tire of dealing with that one. In other words, if someone has so little knowledge of the leather community, they aren't ready to be a leather leader.

Finally -- and most importantly -- I'd argue that a leather leader knows who he or she is and is comfortable with and honest about that identity. Now hear me out -- this isn't a labeling exercise. I'm not trying to force you into a box or to take on any particular role in the community. I'm not trying to engage in a game of definitions -- God knows I'm not suggesting we take this opportunity to revisit the question of what's the difference between a bottom, a submissive and a slave! But I do believe that leaders, whether leather or otherwise, are people who know who they are and who tell their story honestly.

Who are you? It's truly the most important question you'll ever answer. Our leather nationa offers us an opportunity that most people never have in their lives. We have the chance to define ourselves -- not by the rules laid down by our society and our government, or by the definitions taught to us by our families and our religions, but by what our hearts tell us is right for us.

The act of naming yourself, of claiming your identity and place in your tribe and nation is one of great power. I know. I'll never forget the day I publicly claimed my identity as a slave.

It came about like this. For a number of reasons, Master Jim decided it was time to burn the written contract under which I served Him. He intended to replace it with a verbal contract that simply said I would obey and serve -- nothing more and nothing less. But Master Jim also gave me a choice: to remain in service under the new contract or to walk away as a free woman, with honor. In fact, Master Jim actually released me from His service and removed my collar, so that there would be no doubt that the choice was mine.

And so, one night I stood before my leather tribe in Dallas, having been given the amazing opportunity to name myself. Although I'd been in service for several years, I had never explicitly claimed my identity as a slave to my community. I'd like to share with you what I said that night. I said:

"My name is Marsha, and I stand before you tonight, a free woman. Hear my voice. This day, I have been given a choice: to serve as a slave, or to walk away, a free woman, with honor. Tonight, with my community as witness, I choose slavery.

Hear my voice and remember my words in the days to come. For there will be days when you will wonder why I would do this. Remember my words in those nights when you question my choice, or even my sanity. Hear my voice. My name is slave marsha, and I stand before you tonight. I am a slave, and I choose to serve."

That night, I claimed my identity -- and yes, my power -- in my tribe. It hasn't always been easy. But since that night, I've been honored to also claim my identity to my leather nation. I'm doing that even now, as I tell you my story. Each one of us does the same when we at last find our own truth about who we are in our leather tribes and nation and when we use that truth to strengthen us as leaders.

But unfortunately, there are those within our tribes and our leather nation who, rather than defining themselves and claiming their power as honestly and truthfully as possible, choose instead to mislead and fabricate.

If you're going to be a leader in this nation, it is my belief that you must be honest about who you are. Does that mean I think you have to be completely out to the whole world about your involvement in leather/SM? No. But it does mean that within the leather nation, you must be honest about who you are in leather.

If you've been involved in SM for 2 years -- both of them on line -- don't say you've been around the leather community for 20 years. If you've never owned a slave, don't claim you are an "experienced Master." And please, please, please -- don't say you were trained by "the Old Guard" if all you've done is read about it on a website.

It's up to all of us, whether or not we see ourselves as leaders, to hold those who call themselves leather leaders accountable for their honesty, or lack of it. We shouldn't hesitate to ask our leather leaders questions about who they are and where they've come from in the community. And if we find ourselves in positions of leadership, we should expect these kinds of questions. Again, to be blunt, if you aren't ready to be honest about who you are, don't expect me -- or anyone else -- to recognize you as a leather leader.

Now I've spent a good deal of time talking about what we should be looking for in the people we call our leather leaders. And by listening to that, maybe you've figured out some of the things that I don't think are necessary in order to be a leather leader -- but nevertheless, let me quickly touch on a few of them.

I don't think leather leaders are any particular age or gender. I certainly don't think leather leaders have to be Tops, Dominants, or Masters -- some of the most honored and respected leaders in our leather nation today identify as bottoms, submissives, boys, girls, slaves, pups -- and oh yes -- switches. Most of all, I don't think leather leaders are self nominated. One more time, saying you are a leather leader doesn't make it so. But being honest about who you are and becoming knowledgeable about your leather nation will start you down the right path.

And so, honorable members of this Leather Leadership Conference, we come back to the question that I started with -- what do we do next? My charge to you is this:

First, take the time to understand as best you can the tribes in this emerging leather nation. Recognize that defining ourselves as a nation will not automatically bring all our many and varied tribes together. Open yourself up to the possibility that not all tribes may need or want to be a part of a leather nation for all times and in all places.

But also resolve to take a good hard look at your events and your groups. If a group or event is a place intended to gather the diversity of our leather nation, work hard to make it a welcoming place for all. Don't ask those different from yourselves to come and then make no effort to meet their needs, or worse, expect them to deny who they are so that they'll "fit in" to the event. On the other hand, if a group or event is a place and time for a tribe to be separate, then don't be ashamed or apologetic. Be clear about your purpose and about your commitment to both the individual tribe and to the leather nation.

And while you are looking outward to our leather nation, don't fail to look inward, at yourself. Be clear about who you are. Understand that none of us are leaders simply because we say we are, and none of us can lead without knowing ourselves first. Be honest about who you are and how you came to this nation. Claim the power of your identity and use it as you lead.

I want to give you one final thought to take with you as you travel home and ready yourselves to address the issues that are before our newly emerging leather nation. I hope you'll remember these words from the poet Ranier Maria Rilke, and that you'll share them with your home communities. Rilke said:

"I want to beg you, as much as I can, to be patient toward all that is unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves... Do not seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live every thing. Live the questions now. Perhaps then you will gradually, without noticing it, one day live your way into the answers."

Our charge then, is to fully live the questions of what our leather nation is, and who we are as citizens and leaders of that nation. Because only then can we hope to gradually live our way into answers that will give birth to a leather nations supportive of its diversity as a whole, proud of its many separate tribes, and led by people who draw strength from the sure knowledge of who they are.