A book about an erotic, but abusive SM relationship and a movie made from
the book. There is some debate whether the story is based on reality or
is pure fiction, but the kind of events depicted can and do happen to real
people.
Age Play
A type of role Play to gratify a fetish surrounding age;
typically daddy/child or mommy/child fantasies.
see: Infantilism
A sexual orientation that differs from a preference for
vaginal intercourse (with minor variations) within a monogamous
heterosexual relationship.
see: Alternative Lifestyle
Having a sexuality that differs significantly from the 'norm'
may make an alternative lifestyle necessary or desirable. A sexual
orientation less common than the norm may stigmatize the individual
pushing the person to seek a more accepting subculture. An example
is homosexuality and the formation of the gay community.
see: Alternative Sexuality
A computer bulletin board system (BBS) that serves the BDSM
community.
Black Lightning
A common nickname for a black fiber glass or resin rod often
with a leather or rubber handle that is used as a cane. Being much
more dense than rattan, it can inflict deeper damage and the feel
is described as "cutting."
see: Cane
Black Snake
A type of single-lash whip that is flexible all the way to the
knob.
Blindfold
Any covering for the eyes to prevent sight.
Bloodsport
SM practices that result in drawing blood,
including whipping or caning that breaks the skin, branding,
cutting, or piercing.
Body Fluid Monogamy, Body Fluid Bonding
A practice of long-term couples who share body fluids only
between each other in order to observe safer-sex recommendations.
Commonly, the partners have been tested negative for HIV, sometimes
also for hepatitis B and C. The partners may or may not play with
others outside their relationship, but only by observing strict
safer-sex rules.
see: Safer Sex
A belt, usually leather with metal rings attached, to assist
in restraining the wearer.
Bondage Frame
Any stationary device used to assist in restraining someone.
Bondage Harness / Harness
A configuration of straps, usually leather or nylon designed
to: 1) ornament the body, and 2) aid in bondage and suspension
bondage.
bottom
An SM practitioner who submits to bondage, training, role play,
corporal punishment, etc., but who is not necessarily emotionally
committed to his/her Dominant partner (Top).
Originally a derogatory term for a Top who
allows his or her bottom to run the scene. 'bottoming from the top'
has become a valid style of play. Most Tops experience some scenes
where they prefer to take at least some direction from their bottoms.
Some even prefer this style of play and may call themselves
submissive sadists.*
see: Topping From The Bottom * Note: this definition confuses a distinction between
sadist/masochist and Top/bottom. It is perfectly possible to have a
masochistic top or a sadistic bottom instead of the expected sadistic
Top and masochistic bottom.
A type of erotically altered consciousness
(EAC) identified with feelings of falling into a state of submission.
Generally, bottom- or sub-space may be characterized by, diminished
ego awareness, less active cognitive behavior, surrendering of will,
and/or inability to verbalize. Frequently these functions are
assumed by the dominant partner who becomes the submissive's center
of focus.
A bottom who enjoys struggling against control or challenging
the top. Brattiness has a wide spectrum from the playful 'uppity
bottom' to the smart-ass masochist (which see). Some brats are
"testing" their dominant, others have a desire to be
'conquered and tamed', while some simply do not wish to be
controlled.
see: Smart-Ass Masochist,
Topping from the bottom.
Brain Fade
A state of confusion and/or inability to reason experienced by
the submissive. This effect usually results from psychological
domination, the mind-fuck, or a deepening submissive state.
see: Bottom-space, Sub-Space.
Breast Bondage
Tying
the female breasts with cord, string. rope, rubber bands, scarves, etc.
as a part of SM or erotic play. May include nipple bondage or clamping.
Breath Control
Control
of breathing by the dominant through use of a gas mask or similar apparatus,
by choking, or by covering the mouth and nose.
Body Modification
The general term for practices that reshape or ornament the body for ritual.
erotic, decorative. or fetish purposes. The practices commonly include
tattooing, piercing. branding, cutting, and corsetry.
Boundaries
Usually
refers to limits (which see) negotiated prior to SM play.
Branding
Burning the skin, usually with heated metal, to produce scarification.
Branding can be a part of a scene. ritual, or body modification. The design
often consists of several unconnected lines and curves, each requiring
a separate strike with heated metal, bent to form its part of the design.
The reason for the unconnected lines is to assure that elements of the
design do not scar into a shapeless mass; human skin heals differently
than the hides of livestock.
Buggywhip
A single thong whip with a rigid core and a flexible cracker at the
end.
Cage, Bondage Cage
Yup, a cage is a cage. These are big enough to hold the whole
submissive.
Acronym for a Clueless, Horny (or Het), Dominant Wannabe
(pronounced chudwa). Term of derision used on alt.sex.bondage
internet newsgroup. see: Wannabe
Checking-In
Asking the submissive how they are doing, feeling, etc. during a scene.
Specific questions get more useful answers. An affirmative response to
'Are you ok?' may merely indicate that death is not impending, but there
still may be problems, particularly with a macho sub. 'Would you enjoy
heavier (or lighter) sensations?' is a better question. In SM play 'is
this good for you?' is asked during a scene rather than the typical 'was
it good for you?' afterwards. Checking-in should not replace a dominant's
own observation and focus. It is another part of the safety net.
Cinching
1) Wearing of a cincher. a garment similar to, but less encompassing than
a corset. 2) A bondage technique, for example, to tighten coils of rope
holding the wrists together by wrapping the coils between the wrists by
one or more "cinch loops" of rope.
Nipple clamps, clothespins, and binder clips are used to pinch or squeeze
a small bit of flesh. The target areas for clamping are nipples, cocks,
vulvas, and other erotically sensitive areas such as the sides of the torso
and inner thighs. Weights can be added to increase the rigor.
Word(s) used in personal ads to disguise sexual proclivities that
may be unacceptable to mainstream society, eg: English
Culture, French Culture,
Greek,
Clean, Discipline,
Strict,
Leather, etc.
Collar, Collared
1) A symbol of surrender worn by a submissive. A collar is given in a relationship
as a profound symbol of a commitment and bond. A "collared" submissive
is considered to be owned (which see) or partnered with a dominant player.
2) A piece of bondage equipment worn around the throat.
Conditional Compliance
The SM one-nighter, a limited exchange of power negotiated by a Dom and
sub for a single scene or brief period of play, such as overnight, one
day, or one weekend.
see: Power Exchange Levels
Conditioning
The term used in psychology for the deliberate process of creating a psychological
link between a desired response and an unrelated stimulus. Much of what
people in the SM community refer to as training or slave training uses
classic conditioning techniques. Psych 101 would have a huge enrollment
if University professors realized that training a sub to orgasm on command
is a lot more interesting than training pigeons to play ping-pong.
Condom
A
latex sheath used on a penis or toy as a barrier to prevent the transmission
of disease or pregnancy. Natural lambskin condoms are also available, but
don't function effectively to prevent the spread of viral illness.
see: Safer Sex
Consensual
Behavior
or activities agreed to by all parties involved. True consent is informed
consent and requires a reasonably accurate knowledge of possible risks.
Contrapolar Stimulation 'Hurts so good!'
A type of physical stimulation that incorporates
feeling of both pleasure and pain.
Activities
that involve the striking of one individual by another are called
corporal from the term corporal punishment. Typically corporal
activities include spanking, flogging, paddling, and caning.
Counting
The ritualized counting of strokes received. The sub may be
required to thank the dominant with each count. Example: 'One,
thank you Sir. Two. thank you Sir, etc.' A typically diabolic
practice is to start the count over again each time a mistake
is made. Some masochists never seem to get the count correct,
even with their shoes off.
Covenant of Dominance and Submission
A deeply committed symbiotic relationship between a dominant and a submissive.
see: Power Exchange Levels
Crossdressing
Dressing in clothes of the opposite gender.
Crucifixion
Bondage
incorporating a stationary cross. The submissive's arms and legs are tied,
not nailed. Care must be taken to ensure that the torso is properly supported.
Otherwise, strangulation may occur.
1)
Placing handcuffs, manacles, or similar restraints on the wrists and/or
ankles. 2) Also refers to the restraints in the noun form. For example:
"That is a nice cuff you're wearing," or "This cuffing is
very comfy."
Cutting
1)
Slicing the skin as a part of body modification, ritual or scene. Most
frequently, designs are transferred to the skin as they would be for the
creation of a tattoo. Then either scalpels, razor blades, art knives, or
other cutting tool incise the skin at a depth of I/ 16' to 3/16."
Cuttings can include color by means of tattoo inks or cigar (not cigarette)
ash rubbed into the fresh wounds. Care should always be taken to insure
sterile conditions. 2) The breaking of skin by use of a corporal instrument.
Single lash whips, canes, crops and others can cut if used improperly.
3) The deep stingy feel of some toys.
Dental Dam
A
latex barrier used for cunnilingus or anilingus to prevent disease transmission.
Plastic food wrap is an inexpensive, but satisfactory, substitute.
Derivative Pleasure, Immediate/Delayed
Corporal strokes that are painful at impact, but pleasurable following
initial execution. An immediately derived pleasure stroke feels good right
after the impact. Delayed derivative pleasure is an accumulation of painful
strokes that explodes into sexual heat some time later.
Discipline
The 'D' in B&D that can mean; 1) punishment 2) structured training
of a submissive.
Do-Me Queen/King
A bottom that takes passive delight from the physical activities of scening
without a desire to give submission or pleasure in return.
Dominance, Dominance & Submission, D/S,
D&S
The consensual empowerment of
one partner by the other for erotic enhancement. Dominance and submission
are the psychological and emotional underpinnings of SM. see:
Power Exchange
The person who is given control in a consensual exchange of power. Domme,
Domina, and Dominatrix refers to women. Dominant, or Dom can refer to either
gender.
Dressing for Pleasure, DFP
1) An annual, international fetish community event featuring a
weekend of socializing, workshops, boutiques, a fashion show and a
ball. This convention of the strange and wonderful is sponsored by
a SM boutique in Upper Montclair, NJ by the same name. The
proprietress of the DFP is the world renowned dominant, Marie
Constance.
Erotic role play near or at the edge of a submissive's or dominant's limits.
The term also refers to activities that carry a higher than usual element
of risk.
Electro-Torture
The use of electrical stimulation to create a desired physical
sensation.
Emotional Buttons, Emotional Triggers
Associations
with words, behaviors, or activities that provoke a strong emotional reaction.
Dominants will do well to become familiar with the unique triggers of his
submissive. It is important to know, as much as possible, which buttons
evoke positive and negative responses.
Endorphins are substances created by the body to help endure pain or stress.
Entirely natural, but theoretically similar in feel to opiates. The body's
release of endorphins may create a feeling of well-being, even intoxication,
which is called an endorphin high. People differ dramatically In their
ability to release endorphins. The possibility of addiction to endorphins
has been conjectured.
The
instrument used for, or the act of injecting fluid into the anus to flush
the lower intestines. Some people include enemas in SM scenes for humiliation,
for preparation for other activities (such as fisting or anal sex), and/or
simply because they may enjoy the sensation.
A code word for spanking or corporal punishment sometimes used in ads.
We will have achieved social acceptance when ads in mainstream papers can
say. "Romantic sadist seeks masochist lover," instead of nonsense
like, "devotee of English culture seeks receptive partner."
Erotic Power
Erotic
power is like potential energy, becoming significant only when it is exchanged
or used to empower a dominant by the transfer of control.
[see: Power Exchange
Erotic Pain
Stimuli that are painful under normal circumstances, but are pleasurable
or arousing in a sexual context.
Erotic Restraint
Restricting
movement for erotic play. Also, refers to the devices used for said purpose.
Erotic Surrender
The sexually motivated gift of control of one's self (within negotiated
limits) to one's partner. A more accurately descriptive phrase for submission.
Term
coined by Aleister Crowley to describe the state of mind resulting from
sexual practices used by his followers of Sexual Magik. We believe it to
be the erotically altered consciousness (EAC) that we call flying (which
see).
Fang-Chung Shu (arts of the inner chamber)
The collective term for Taoist (Chinese)
sexual techniques practiced to achieve unity with the Tao and/or Immortality.
They are said to have induced altered states of consciousness. Ho-ch'i
(unification of breaths) is a technique of fang-chung shu. The goals and
techniques of the fang-chung shu are similar to some employed in SM.
Fetish
A sexual fixation on an activity or object.
Fetish Community
The name given to that group of people having an alternate sexual or gender
orientation, but excluding the (vanilla) gay and lesbian communities.
Fire & Ice
The
use of hot and cold for sexual stimulation, especially hot wax dripped
from a candle and ice applied to the skin.
Atranscendent state of consciousness sometimes achieved during an
SM scene. This rapturous state has been so often described in a
similar manner by independent sources that we have no doubt of the
validity of the experience. Feelings described by the submissive
seem similar to that of out of body experiences and often include a
psychic link to the dom. Most commonly, this link is felt as either
a tether to the dominant or as a feeling of being surrounded and
protected by the Dom's presence or consciousness. Elation and
spaciness experienced after flying may be felt for hours, even
days after the session has ended.
Foot Fetish, Foot Worship
A sexual obsession directed toward the feet and/or shoes.
Forced Oral, Forced Sex
Sexual role play where the Dom pretends to force an activity that the sub
pretends they are under duress to perform. It involves a shared suspension
of reality. (A Dom only 'forces' the sub to perform activities he or she
has requested).