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A Rueful Laugh Safe:Sane:Consensual Back to Whipping Posts A Rueful Laugh Safe:Sane:Consensual: Yep I am laughing but not much humor behind it...I was up on DSnet yesterday, spending a quiet afternoon when Safe, Sane and Consensual became the topic. Won't mention the channel, not important. Where for the most part I do promote the Saying and the meanings behind them, I also understand that for some of us..it is well shall we say...not quite true? And I will admit, I did say Not always Safe, Not Always Sane, not always consenusal....I was immediately jumped on by 2 persons...You can't say that...we have to make the newbies understand those rules. Somewhere TPE and Edge play seems to have been omitted from the things that we can teach newbies as well. Why do I say Not always? Safe: I play on the edge...a lot...needles, cuttings, burnings, you name it...some of these things ARE dangerous, for me...not for everyone, They can be done safely...but are NOT safe. It is not my place to judge whether a desire that a "newbie" has for asphyx play, castration ( well not the females), or humiliation play is safe for them. It IS only my place to point out some of the dangers, and possibly ways to go about it and survive. "Newbie" does not mean innocent..they may have been playing these games for many years alone, and are now seeking a partner. Sane: Frankly little of what we do would be considered sane by the vanilla world. Some of it is not always considered sane by us. Few people look at a TPE relationship and consider the slave or the Dom in their right minds. After all you are allowing someone else to choose what happens to you. Yes...I am careful...I don't walk into prisons and stand on death row and yell kill me. I try NOT to allow Ted Bundy into my home, I don't go to sleep with my window open, me naked and a neon sign flashing outside that says rapist wanted. BUT I do place my precious flesh in the hands of a man who will whip me, torture and torment me, take me to the very depths of my being and make me look, and then hopefully bring me back again. Is it sane to want to take out and play with all the things that others keep buried? Not always, not really. Our mind bury them for a reason...to protect our sanity...but some of us just HAVE to peek under those bandages and say ooooo while poking at it. Consensual: Here I think was one of the main sticking points. Consent. In BDSM consent is handled in many ways...from the sub who negotiates every scene..to the TPE who has only one choice..accept or decline the collar. As a TPE slave once I have acknowledged that someone is my Master, that is the end of my consent. I hate paddles with a passion, wooden ones, they bring up nothing but extremely bad memories..but...IF he decides that is how I am to be punished, or HE decides that it would please him to use a paddle on me...then it is HIS choice. Someone else can say...you use that on me and you will eat dust as I leave, or you are not going to ever use them. And there are Doms who will accept this....those Doms are not for me. How close to abuse is TPE? It is an extremely fine line, but the one thing that keeps you on the right side of it, is choice. I choose to do this and ultimately I have chosen to do this with someone I trust to have the same value for my life I do. Can I just walk away from that collar if things are not as I want them...no. I can only choose to leave if my sanity or life is threatened. Not edge, but him saying I am going to do this even though I know it will cost you your life, then yeah I am out of there. Something like that would be asphyx play for me...because once my lungs go down, they hate restarting, or him deciding to perform a hysterectomy using a text book and a scalpel. An no it does not have to be said in so many words, actions DO speak louder. Any way, I think the whole upshot of this is a bit convoluted, but essential. Newbies are not necessarily innocents...yes there are dangers that we all have to be well aware of, but we can not coddle them at the same time. Someone who is new to a real life BDSM relationship, may still well have years of self explorations in areas. If we are going to present hard and fast rules someone who has been doing X...is gonna say that this is not for me...not because X doesn't belong in BDSM, but because it is beyond what we are telling them it is safe, sane or consensual to do. So they sit on the outside, without help, advice or a feeling of belonging, knowing that there are subs and Doms, but not that there are TPE relationships that go beyond D/s, beyond B/D and into the realm of S&M. For us too there are pitfalls and times that we have to be cautious...really cautious...for what we stand to lose is not just self -esteem, but our lives and limbs. Not Always Sane, Not Always Safe, Not Always Consensual...but definitely On The Edge and In Control. poenkitten ( who may run where angels fear to tread, but watches where she puts her feet) I Wanna Take You Out of The Frying Pan and Into The Fire Homepage and Alt.Torture FAQ and Charter at http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/1434/index.html Announcing Fred's Short-Short Torture Stories...now at the alt.torture Site |